All my life I have been different and on the outside. Not fitting in with the group. Struggling to make and keep any friends.

All my life I have felt wrong. Felt like I should be able to understand this rule book everyone else seems to have about social rules but I just never received a copy and was expected to know the rules.

All my life, I have felt like being myself was wrong. Being into hobbies and interests that intensely and that my friends didn’t even care about the same hobbies. Being happy when I got to spin in circles in dresses or when I was happy I would flap my hands, or tap my fingers to the beat of a song that I loved. Then learning it made people around me uncomfortable so I had to hide the flapping and tapping.

All my life, I have felt wrong that bright lights and sounds made my head hurt really bad but my sister and parents didn’t seem to get affected at all in the same way. Why did bright lights and loud noise affect me and not them?

All my life, I have been told I am either too loud when talking but then I would not talk for fear of being too loud and social anxiety and people commented I was too quiet. What was the right answer?

All my life, I have struggled with understanding when someone was upset. But once I understood I was highly empathetic even if I didn’t show it, and sometimes because I didn’t show it people thought I had no emotion and empathy.

All my life, I have struggled to understand my own emotions and know when I am upset or angry until it’s too late and I have a meltdown which sometimes things would get broken or damaged. I never meant harm and always felt so guilty that this would happen.

All my life, I have just felt wrong like, I am a triangle shape trying to fit into a square box like the other squares around me.

Turns out I wasn’t wrong. I was Autistic.