“What happened? How am I in my room?” I say all jumbled.

“Hi Anna, you had a panic attack that caused you to blackout and faint. Willow notified us, we moved you to your bedroom for monitoring until you recovered and not to worry, your parents have been notified and are coming by later when they can.”

“Okay, that’s alot to process, what time is it, sorry, how long have I been out?”

“It’s 12:04 pm and has been around two hours so you have missed the nature walk. Since you had a panic attack and blacked out you have been assigned an emergency session with Doctor Whittaker, but for now would you like to go get some lunch and relax for a while and I will relay the message you are awake now to both Doctor Whittaker and your parents and she will come find you for therapy session. Head for some lunch when you are ready and drink plenty of water please.”

“yes okay, I will freshen up and head for some lunch soon. Thank you Nurse.”

“No problem, I will leave you for a while and notify your parents and Doctor Whittaker.”

She leaves after checking something on her clipboard so I sit up right slowly, still feeling a little out of it. I check my phone and have approximately 100 messages from Becca and Izzy in the last hour, all saying the same, “we heard you passed out from your mum, are you okay, what happened, please message when I feel better,” they are clearly worried and instead of messages I should probably give them a video call and let see me and know I am okay. 

I hit the group video call button for our private group chat and within seconds they are instantly answering and shifting focus from what they were doing. Becca was baking with Mandy and Jamie and points to the video call and tells Jamie she won’t be long. Izzy was helping her mum with some ironing and let her know she has to take this. 

“Anna, we have been so worried! What the hell happened, are you okay?” Becca says all in one breath. 

“Seriously, we only heard you passed out from your mum, she didn’t say anything else. What’s up?” Izzy spurts out in panic.

“Is it my turn to talk now?” I joke. “ Just kidding, honestly I am fine, just a little bit freaked out that I don’t have memory of the last two hours but I am okay. Apparently, in art therapy I had a panic attack that made me faint and black out, so the nurses took control and moved me to my room for privacy and monitoring, I had a nurse tell me stuff when I woke up, she was at the end of my bed with a clipboard keeping an eye on me until I awoke. I am okay, just a little dazed and dizzy still but she told me to go get some lunch, drink lots of water and that I have an emergency 1:1 session with Doctor Whittaker once I have recovered a little. but other than that I don’t remember much about what happened and why.” 

“We are so relieved you’re okay. We were both going out of our minds right Izzy?” She looks over to Izzy who gives a worrying nod to agree. I immediately apologize for causing them worry before Becca interrupts me. “Stop right there Anna. Please do never apologize for being unwell, you need help and you are getting it, please don’t apologise because you made me an Iz worry at all, best friends love each other and we are all here for each other no matter what and worrying is just apart of it. I am here by placing a rule that you partially have to follow Anna, but it applies to all us. Rule 98 on our best friend list, we will never apologise for being ill and making one other worry. Even better, I am going to get our best friend rulebook and add it in, as once it’s in we can’t break that rule.” 

The best friend rulebook is something we started at the very start when we first decided we were meant to be best friends. It started with rule 1 ‘always take extra lunch to trade with each other at school’ and includes everything random and specific about our friends, from the small things like rule 48 if you finish the popcorn bucket at the movies-you refill it, to the bigger things of rule 27 if one of us is struggling with homework or chores or babysitting then the other two step in and take some of the load off. 

“Okay it’s in the rule book now, so you officially cannot apologise for being ill and making us worry!” Becca says after updating the rulebook, we keep it at her house since we mostly spend time there so it makes sense to have it there. 

“Okay fine, I know I cannot break the rules or the rules of the book. But I will find a loop pole!” I joke and we all giggle. 

“On a serious note, do you want to talk about why you think the panic attack and blackout happened?” Izzy asks with her serious concerned voice while also being locked in a cupboard to escape the nerf gun war between Ivy, Imogen and Ingrid.

“I mean it’s all kind of fuzzy still, but you remember how I would feel really self conscious and stressed when out in big groups like when we went shopping before camp? and when we went to laser tag? yeah well it happened again but this time was worse as you and Becca were not next to me, and the room felt heavy and I felt everyone was staring and the room felt warm and my heart was pounding and before I knew it, I woke up on my bed two hours later.” I took a breath. “I don’t know fully, it’s silly, very fuzzy but I guess it is a good thing I have a session with Doctor Whittaker after some lunch to figure it out. I could really do with my best friends today, are you both able to come over after my session?”

“Of course, I have to help my mum with the ironing and finish my book report but that should all be done by the time you are done with the session.”

“Thanks Izzy, what about you Becca?”

“Is that a question, my bestie needs me of course I would, I would be there now if it wasn’t for your therapy session. Jamie was talking about taking Mandy to the science museum for research for her science fair, and apparently I am no fun in the science museum as I know it all and talk boring science according to Mandy so she won’t mind!” We laugh. 

“Thanks, you two are the best! I will text you once I am done with my session but I should probably go get some lunch.” We blow kisses through the screens and hang up. I grab my phone,headphones, a book and my room key and head towards the canteen. I put my headphones on and connect up my favourite playlist called “when I need to zone out.” Headphones and music are a need to function right now. I lock my room on my way out and carrying my book I head to the canteen. I grab my lunch tray, placing my book to the corner, I select a chicken sandwich that looks good and pair it up with a fruit bowl of kiwi, and my favourite herbal tea mixture. I head over to Gloria to pay up and she can tell I am having a tough day but I still make an effort to say hello and ask how her day is going. As she rings me up and I swipe my bracelet she places a chocolate bar on my tray that she doesn’t charge for and says ‘ssh don’t tell the others, I can’t  be seen having a favourite.” I thank her and head to my seat in the corner out the way. I dig into my food and once my food is almost eaten and I am just waiting for my tea to become not so hot to drink I grab my book as I want to take some time to zone out and read, plus Doctor Whittaker did say she would come find me so I just have to wait a little. 

I am so into my book and drinking my tea, I barely notice Doctor Whittaker buying a coffee in a takeout cup and then approaching my table. 

“Hello Anna, sorry to disturb your reading time, but it’s time for our session.” She sits down as I take my headphones off. “Unlike our normal daily sessions that you have Monday-Fridays and family session on Saturday where meet in my office, this is an emergency 1:1 meaning you had a bad experience like a panic attack and this session is an informal chat with me to give you a chance to process and talk it out and for us to work together about next steps to help figure out treatment and what is right for you specifically. Does that make sense?” I nod and agree. “Since, it is an informal meeting, you get to choose where we go while we talk, whatever makes you most comfortable.”

“Are we able to go for a walk and get some fresh air, I just need to get off the ward and some air.”

“That sounds like a great idea, I have been stuck in my office all morning doing paperwork, I could do with stretching my legs and some air myself. Have you finished with your food and tea?”

“Yes I have thanks. Are we okay to stop by my room and grab my coat, it’s chilly out there.” 

“Of course, we have to stop by reception as well and sign ourselves out and I will grab my jacket also. As we tidy and walk off she notices the book I was reading. 

“I see you are reading The Book Thief, is it for school or just fun?”

“It was part of my school history assignment for research, but my teacher said I could just see the movie but I am abit of a history nerd so I had to read the book too.” 

“Sounds good, nothing wrong with extra research and reading. Which do you prefer so far, movie or book?”

“I like both, but the book is winning right now.”

“Same I always prefer the book over the movie, but there are some good movies that almost win that debate.” We approach my room and I unlock and tell her I will be a moment, she says it’s fine and to take my time. I place my headphones and book on my bed, and I grab my coat from ,my wardrobe throw it on, it’s a big trench coat that goes to my knees, and has giant pockets and fluff inside. I throw my phone inside one of my pockets and grab my gloves as well. I come out of my room and lock my door, throwing my key in the other pocket. 

“I see you remembered your gloves, even better!” She says taking the final few sips of her coffee.

We head to reception and she explains to the charge nurse we are headed for a walk as she signs us both out, they have a small conversation and she gets the nurse to pass her coat and scarf and she switches the white doctor’s coat for her regular winter coat. We head out the security doors, swiping her doctor’s badge and my ID bracelet. 

—TO BE CONTINUED—