Once we easily downed our mochas and felt ready to face the day we decided we should go get some real breakfast in the canteen before having to head for group therapy. I change my shoes out of my comfy slippers and decide on my favourite purple sparkly converse, they always help me feel confident even if they aren’t as soft and fluffy as my purple slippers. I grab my phone and room key and lock my door. We walk in our usual formation of me wedged in the middle, Izzy on my left and Becca on the right.  In the canteen we read a sign that says today’s special is french toast and we all make an excited sound at this as french toast is a favourite. 

We all grab a tray and get a nice big serving of the specials, we follow with each adding a fruit bowl as we should have something healthy, I grab my strawberries, Becca grabs some kiwi and Izzy grabs an apple. We then grab some drinks, and I choose a cherry sprite from the soda machine, Becca and Izzy both choose a healthier option of orange juice. We pay up and don’t chat much as Gloria is off today so it’s a simple payment and we head to our comfy chairs in the corner. Izzy and I start digging in but I notice Becca checks her phone first to check on Mandy’s blood sugar levels and once she gets an updated reading that they are in range and Mandy is okay, she allows herself to eat.

We chat away about school and the latest gossip I have missed this week and I sit and listen until I wonder if I have become school gossip.

“what about me? since we are on about school gossip, what is being said about me missing school?”

“No,,” Izzy pauses and gives Becca a look so Becca takes over. “No people just know you are ill in hospital with a kidney infection like we spoke about. They are of course worried about you and hoping you recover soon, but dont worry, no gossip.” 

“Thanks Becca as long as you are sure.” 

I get interrupted by a nurse reminding me its morning medication time, I tell the girls I will be a minute and walk off to go receive my medication. Once I walk away Becca whispers to Izzy “lets not tell her about the ‘rumour’ that Jade started about her being here, she doesn’t need that added to her plate, we will keep that between us and do our best to dispel that rumour and tell her when she can handle it.” 

“Agreed, I don’t want to give Anna more to worry about right now.”  

I start walking back and I ask “what are we whispering about? What did I miss?” 

“Oh nothing important just about how amazing this french toast is!” Izzy says but she face says something else that I cannot figure out. “You had your meds all okay?”

“yeah, they increased my dosage of my anti anxiety meds after yesterday’s blackout, I guess we will see what happens if anything works.”

“Well that sounds like they are on it and hopeful they can get you out soon!” Becca says with her hopeful smile. 

“Yeah hopefully, anyway are you girls done coz it’s 9:45, and group starts at 10.”

“Yes, let me just finish my french toast.” Izzy says as she scoffs down the last piece. We tidy out trays away and head to my room so Izzy can grab her bag as if she is in an art room, she will be working on our winter formal dresses and using whatever creative she has to do fashion. 

We head into the art room and I see Willow is already setting up magazines and A3 paper on each individual place, and the words ‘Mood collages’ on the board. She adds a mix of all media to each table. We find a table and make ourselves comfy. Willow brings some oil pastels to our table and says “Hello Anna glad you are feeling good today, I am taking it these lovely girls are Isabella and Rebecca. Welcome to art therapy girls. My name is Willow, I am in the art counsellor here. As you girls are not in the program and just here for support for Anna, you are not required to actually do the projects I set, so feel free to join in , or do your own creative projects or homework for school. However this is also a safe space if you two have got anything you need to talk about, you may as being a teenager is not easy and I know you both have younger siblings that you care for, and that can be draining. So this is a safe space but I appreciate you being here to help Anna’s recovery. Today’s project is Mood Collages so using the materials provided to create a map of what we feel our brains look and feel like. Then we will discuss them and art therapy is always followed with a nature walk as it’s beautifully located here.”

“sounds great, I see you have a sewing machine and I bought some of my fabrics, am I okay to sew? I am a bit of a fashion designer.” Izzy politely asks. 

“Yes of course, help yourself,I have some extra fabrics and threads in a box back there, go crazy, and once the group is settled I will come have a look at what you are working on.”

“Is it okay, I have some homework to catch up with,” Becca says while grabbing a pile of books from her bag, “with this week being so busy, I have fallen behind and have no opportunity with my little sister for homework time.”

“Of course, study away, if you finish homework early and want to do something creative, I have some smaller projects like colouring mandalas over at the back. Right I am going to get this group started now that everyone is here.”

Willow gets the group started and all working away on our brain maps/mood collages. She heads over to look at what Izzy is working on, Isabella explains she is making out winter formal dresses and shows her the designs in her sketchbook. She is very impressed. She then heads over to me and Becca and sees Becca is doing advanced  A-level maths and science, Mr Parker gives her A-level maths and science, as GCSE level she finds too easy. 

Willow notices and comments “Wow that is complicated maths, I can’t help there!” She laughs and Becca is in the zone too much to reply, she is scribbling numbers away like she does. “I can help over here though, are we a little stuck on what to put on a blank page? Yes, starting artwork is always the hardest bit, how about you start by going through some of these magazines and cutting anything you think represents you, and place in piles of what they relate to, friends , family, school, hobbies for example. Does that help with a starting point Anna? 

I nod and thank her and start creating something, I do like she suggests. Once I have a nice big pile of cut images I organise them into piles of family, hobbies, friends. I then start arranging on the paper and leaving space for my drawings. I start with friends and arrange various images of people in lab coats and science for Becca, some fashion related imagery for Izzy and then a combination of hearts, friendship bracelets and warm comfort items that come in threes to represent our friendship. I move onto family and grab cafe imagery for mum and a lady at home baking away. I place disney and princesses and pirates and child-like images for my siblings to represent their innocence. I decided not to include anything for my dad as it felt right.  Around these two sections of family and friendship, I do some of my own sketches of Izzy, Becca, Alice and Aaron and include warm colours like orange and red and pink for shading.  I move onto the hobby section and I include a youtube logo, an at home movie set up, popcorn machine, and art supply and book images. 

I start assembling them onto the page with space between each for my own drawings. I do a quick sketch of my mum, Aaron, Alice around the family section, and sketch Izzy and Becca around the friendship section and I draw some youtubers channel names around the hobby section and add a bunch of random doodles all around. I am very much in the zone with art right now, and its special times like these when Izzy is in her fashion focused mode, Becca is focused on science and maths and I am focused on art. I didn’t realise until I was finished that the majority is all bright and warm colours and there is a tiny section bottom left that is black and blue but not really got anything else around just black and blue doodles. I don’t remember when I did this or what I meant by this, I was just focused and in the zone. Sometimes I focus so hard I don’t actually know what I create until I resurface and I have mentioned this to Becca and Izzy and they same the same about science and fashion sometimes. 

I don’t notice the time until Willow announces time to stop and discuss our projects. We all regroup and sit in a circle on bean bag chairs in the quiet area. Izzy and Becca sat on bean bags close to either side of me, so I feel safe. 

People start talking and showing their projects and finally it becomes my turn. I hate public speaking but when I have to explain my art to a group of basic strangers. My heart feels fast and my throat is dry and my head feels shaky. 

Izzy and Becca both squeeze my hands and Becca whispers “It’s okay, we are hear just pretend you are telling me and Izzy your idea in our bedroom and it is just us.” This helps and I take a breath and feel okay again. I tell the group about my friendship section, about my family section and my hobbies. 

I get some questions. “How come your dad is not there?” Willow asks like a therapist, kind but digging deeper. 

“I don’t know, he isn’t around much coz he works away or did before recent so it felt right for him to not be on here.”

“Okay. well I love what you have done, and I feel I know you alot more now, you clearly love art and have a talent for it, you love reading and youtube, and your best friends and siblings. That is all very clear. I am intrigued though, how come everywhere is all very warm colours except you have that black and blue doodle section at the bottom, what is the black and blue represent?”

“Honestly I am not sure, when I do art sometimes I kinda go into a trance and until I resurface I sometimes don’t know what I create.”

“That’s okay I know the creative trance well, it happens to me too, I think all creative people have the ability to lose sense of everything from time, surroundings and just about anything when creating. Focusing that hard means you’re letting your brain be creative and take over, don’t fight it.” 

Willow then wraps up the session and asks everyone to tidy supplies and place their projects on the drying rack. Anyone wishing to join for the nature walk to go get a warm coat and meet by reception in 15 minutes.

—TO BE CONTINUED—