I head back to my room as I need some time to decompress and be alone, this week has been alot to deal with. I unlock my door and wished I could lock it again behind me but I can’t as while I am in a room nurses have to be able to do checks and see me so I have to keep it open. I place my sketch book on the other end of my bed and grab my headphones and phone and connect up and play my favourite playlist of musical theatre songs as long as I can, I may have to be visible but I can zone out and have headphone time.

Once connected, I get comfy with my pillows   and teddy snuggled on my lap. I check my messages and have a few texts from Izzy saying she got home safe and it’s pasta night so she is in charge of the cooking and making pesto pasta from scratch and some garlic bread that is already in the oven, I said how I love her pasta and I wish I was there for pasta night tonight. I also have a couple of messages from Becca, a few pictures of Mandy in various states, in different disney princess dresses and then with art aprons and covered in paint making signs for their dad and the last one of her in pjs after bathtime with a very tired looking Becca but not so much Mandy. We text back and forth a few minutes and she lets me know she is putting Mandy to bed and then checking in with Jamie and she will head over for a little bit. I tell her that’s fine and ask if she has eaten, if not to meet me in the canteen and we can grab dinner, she agrees as she is hungry and says she won’t be long hopefully just got to get Mandy to sleep.

I text Alice on her Ipad and ask how her first sleepover is going, and she texts back with a picture of her and her best friend hannah singing karaoke and telling me its the best time and all the plans they have like midnight feast and pranking Hannah’s older brother with whipped cream. I am so glad she is having such a fun sleepover. I then text my mum and ask how Aaron is and how things at home are. She lets me know Aaron is already fast asleep as he had a busy day with football and then a playdate with his best friend James that wore him out and he fell asleep as soon as he got home.

She lets me know dad is out tonight with a friend for dinner so it’s just her and she has a glass of wine and about to watch some reality tv. I am grateful tonight is peaceful at home for once and not arguing, especially with Aaron being home alone without me or Alice tonight. I text my mum back letting her know things are okay here and Becca is on her way here once she has Mandy to sleep to join me for dinner.
I scroll on my phone for a few minutes not really focused and listening to music and zoning in and out a little until a notification from Becca snaps me back to reality and it reads “finally got Mandy to sleep, Jamie is chilled and tidying up today’s mess but said it’s okay for me to escape as long as I am back in two hours so will be with you in around 5 minutes.” I text back saying I can’t wait and meet her in reception and we can head to the canteen and get dinner.

I turn my headphones off and place them on the hook on my door, head into the bathroom to quickly freshen up and then grab my phone and room key and head out towards the reception area, locking my room behind me. 
By the time I get to reception I see Becca is already there collecting her visitor’s pass and once sorted she spots me and runs and gives me the biggest and tightest hug. Best friend hugs are the best feeling. I wish I didn’t have to let the hug go but we do as we link arms and head over to the canteen and start chatting about our day, even though we text every moment it’s not the same as telling each other in real life about things. We head into the canteen and it smells amazing,I get a strong smell of mac and cheese and garlic bread, not as good as Izzy’s homemade pasta but it smells pretty good too.

We both grab a bowl and some garlic bread and a brownie each for dessert, and a herbal tea for me and an English tea for Becca. We got and pay and I scan my ID bracelet and greet Gloria and ask how her day has been while she puts Becca’s food on the system and tells Becca its £10.79 and to scan her card on the machine. She scans and pays and then we go find some seats on the sofa area. We start digging in as we are both hungry, especially Becca as it sounds like her dinner time was about making Mandy eat her food and sorting Mandy’s insulin and blood sugar out so she didn’t actually get to eat anything. She also just quickly checks both her dexcom app to check Mandy’s blood sugar and the camera monitor in her sister’s bedroom whom is sound asleep and checks on Jamie on the monitors too, Jamie is downstairs watching some tv, this quick check on the monitors and her sister’s blood sugars gives her a sigh of relief.
“sorry about that, just always checking on Mandy.”
“don’t apologize I am the same with Aaron and Alice except I don’t have the constant blood sugar and diabetes thing to stress about. But now you checked they are okay, just put your phone down, it’s on and will notify you when her blood sugar goes up or down and Jamie is right there as well and I know how good Jamie is at monitoring her levels.”
“your right, thanks Anna, I need to relax a little.”
We chat away for a few minutes but she is still a little distracted. “hey what’s going on, you seem a little distracted?”
“oh sorry, I am just a little nervous about dad coming home, don’t get me wrong I am so excited for us to be under the same roof again and be able to visit him at the firehouse after school and stuff but me, Mandy and Jamie  have a routine down, and things work well and I am in charge of Mandy and myself and it works.”
“understable things will change but for the better, and yes miss little control freak may have to give up some control but he is the dad and you are the kid, let it be that way and once you adjust you will be great.”
“yeah I guess, and wait I am not a control freak!” she declares with a smug look, which we both know isn’t true as she is a control freak, so we both burst out into laughter. Once we control  our laughter I remember about my art piece for her dad’s welcome home which is just what she needs right now. “you all done with food? Lets tidy trays up and head to the art room, I have a surprise for you.”

Full of curiosity she finishes her last bite and tidies trays up quickly  . “Come on then, don’t keep me waiting.” I lead the way to the art room.  I head over the drying rack and just checking it is fully dry now, I grab it and take it over to Becca.
“is this..?” she starts tearing up before she gets her words out.
“yeah remember the last big movie day me and Izzy were there right before your mum passed, and you and Mandy were snuggled with your mum, and you both fell asleep? well of course I had my sketchbook with me and couldn’t focus on the movie and just felt I had to sketch that moment. And I have been experimenting with watercolours recently and thought this would be a great gift for your dad as a welcome home gift.”
“oh Anna its beautiful thank you!” She is tearing up alot right now. “I remember that day so well, Dad had a rare week off and was at home and mum had a rare full 48 hours off from not being on call at the hospital, so we decided to make it a really fun movie day and of course you and Izzy were invited and we watched so many marvel and DC movies as they were mums absolute favourite but not so much mine and Mandy’s, hence us having a nap. And even though we just were watching a movie and not really doing anything, I am so grateful we had these moments as little did we know the car crash happened only a week later.”

She wipes her tears and gives me the biggest hug, “Thank you Anna, I am going to frame this so my dad can have it in his new office and we can all remember this moment through your artist talent!”
“No problem, I just wanted to contribute to your dad coming home in some way since I can’t be there to help with posters and things.”
“you are the best, when you’re here dealing with the worst week of your life, you’re still looking at helping me and Izzy with stuff.” we have a few teary moments and a few more hugs and then Becca checks her phone and the time and says “sorry to have to vanish again but I promised Jamie I would be back for 9, and need to go check on Mandy.”
“that’s okay, you have a busy weekend with your sister and an important day on Monday, don’t stress about me, I am not going anywhere, just text me later okay?”
“of course, Love you and thanks again for the drawing for my dad will love this in his new office, okay got to go, love you, text me if you need me at all!”
We hug again as she dashes out the door and it’s just me again. As much as I hate being alone in new scary places, I also feel I need the alone time to decompress as this week has been extremely busy and stressful so I am grateful for some time on my own. I head back to my room, on the way stopping at the nurses station to take night time medication, usual drill of,they give me pills in a cup, I swallow with some water and then open my mouth so they check I have swallowed them.

I head straight back to my room as I am very tired and want to curl up in my bed to decompress this extreme week. Unlocking my door, I head straight for the bathroom and grab a super quick shower, jumping into my towel, I quickly brush my teeth, wash and moisturize my face and then straight into my favourite pjs. It’s a little chilly tonight so I added my dressing gown on top.  I tidy the bathroom up and organising my skincare, putting my towel on the radiator and head onto my bed to get nice and cozy, as I do the nurse comes in to do night time checks.
“glad to see you are already for bed Anna, and you have taken night time medication?”
“yes I have thank you and yes I’m very tired from a long week, so I thought I’d get ready early and relax and facetime my best friends until I fall asleep.”
“Very good, sleep well, lights go out in about an hour and we will keep checks quiet until wake up time tomorrow, and being Sunday it’s 8:30 wake up, not 7:30. Goodnight Anna.” She marks something on her clipboard and then closes my door three quarters off the way.

I get comfy on my bed with my laptop near playing some youtube snuggled in my dressing gown and a blanket and my teddy in one arm, while I pull my phone on charge and message Izzy and Becca to see where they are at. Becca said she was not long back and just grabbing a quick shower and then ready for our night time call. Izzy replied with just putting the last of her sister’s to bed and then getting ready for bed herself. I carry on watching youtube for a few minutes while I wait for them to get ready for bed. Not long and Becca starts a call, it’s clear she isn’t long out the shower as she has her hair towel in and in the process of her 10 step skincare routine, which is a very normal part of our evening facetime. It’s normal moments like this that help me forget that I am in a psych unit. Izzy joins a few moments later in her normal pjs, with her earphones plugged in with just her phone light, on her top bunk, as she shares this room with her sister Ivy who is sleeping in the bunk below. We chat about our evenings and Izzy tells us the drama from her family, how the twins tried to play all tricks at bedtime to avoid bedtime.

Becca says “yeah it’s hard enough with just one little sister, and you have four sisters!”They both notice I wipe a tear from my eye that I was hoping they didn’t catch. “Sorry Anna, what’s up?”
“I just wish I was at home right now tucking Aaron and Alice to bed, but I know I have to be here for my health and it’s only temporary.”
“exactly, you’re doing amazing Anna, it’s one more day towards being home. Think of it that way.”
“thanks, I will, can we just move on from sibling talk as its making me think about home too much.”
“of course, why don’t you tell me all about this Matty guy who makes you blush,” she giggles, “Izzy was texting me about him earlier on her way home.
“Sneaky Iz,” I glare over to her, “There isn’t much to tell really, we were in the art room and he came in and joined us for a while. We both love art and sketching so we get chatting about that and we both love harry potter. He is also one of the only people here my exact age so that helps.”
“And anything else…” Becca tries to dig for details.

“He has a little brother the same age as Aaron so we were talking about that, and he offered  to help make decorations for winter formal as we got chatting about that and how we are on the dance committee, after I had a little freak out about being on the dance committee and being here.” I take a breath and notice my face gets flushed when talking of Matty. “He is really sweet.” Becca and Izzy share a look but I am too tired to question and deal with more questions about Matty.

We chat for a while longer until Becca has completed her skincare routine and we all decide we are exhausted and need some sleep. Becca does a quick blood sugar and video monitor check on Mandy and before we know it they end the call and all three are fast asleep before we know it, my eyelids are so heavy I struggle to fight the sleep, I wonder what another day in the unit will bring.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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