Last night I did something different and I tried to go out with some work friends after shift and have a drink and be social as one of our team is leaving this week and it was her leaving drinks.

I am proud I tried and I went. However it did result in a meltdown late last night once I got home.

It got a little bit too much and overwhelming after an hour, I had to get out of that room and leave. The two people I was primarily talking to (whom I am closest too at work) were very sweet and understanding that I needed to just go without explaining to the rest of the group and they covered for me, of which I made sure to sent some shots to their table via the bar on my way out. Also sent a text to the whole group when I got home explaining why I had to run off and for them to enjoy the night.

sometimes I just don’t want to be autistic and fit in. To be able to follow a conversation in a room that is really loud and many other people talking. Instead having too many noises and 100 peoples voices all at the same time with many different words and voices and not knowing what any of those words are saying.

Not wanting to feel like a polar bear in the amazon jungle. Not wanting to feel like you are sat at the table with friends and also floating away from them making it harder and harder to understand what is happening.

Not wanting to feel like your friends are comfortably sat in the circle and you are balancing just on the edge and not doing a very good job as you often fall off and have to climb back up.

Wishing more than anything to be like the others and be like everyone else. Wishing more than anything you could just switch the autism off for the night and enjoy yourself.